so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
