saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
God, you're like boner-b-gone
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
