i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
