I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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