please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
