two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
