Small penises have feelings too.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
