3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
