im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize