God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
