i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
