people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
