Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
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You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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