He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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