god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
