I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
