Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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