Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Redeem this text for a blowjob
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash