i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
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Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.