WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
