so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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