I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
