I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
