At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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