Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
