it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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