So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
