just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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