these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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