Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
