We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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