you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize