she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
