Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
