Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The feeling are messing with the penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
