I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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