brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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