dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
