I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
