forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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