And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
