I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
