he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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