He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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