i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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