I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
