I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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