you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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