Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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