Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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