We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
