thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
