so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
