see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
