saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
from now on my penis is your penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
