Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
