just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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