Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
